I wish I knew what happens next.

It's been almost seven months since you went away. You know that my feelings still haven't changed since May.

Despite the distance I kept my hopes up. For so many days and nights the one thing I dreamt about was to give you one big hug.

The friendship that we share is now stronger. The moment you came in to my life felt like an amazing wonder.

I'm sorry if I overreacted the other day. The burden was too heavy and there were a few things that I needed to say.

I don't regret any of the things I've written to you. After all the only reason for why I did it is because you became my inspiration and the fact that I still miss you.

Life has never felt so empty during the time you've been gone. Still I can imagine the happiness your mother and father must have had the day when you came home, to see their beloved son.

I miss your funny jokes and to hear your laughter. Those bright eyes of yours, I know that in the future when you will have your own family you could have the possibility of receiving a beautiful daughter.

There is something special about you and that is why I'm having such a hard time trying to let go. I just can't, logic says I should while my heart keeps saying no.

Perhaps I'm all wrong but it feels like it is with you I belong. One day this poem might become a song?

All I know is that I'm lost without you. How could I not miss you?

I have some very big decisions to make. I still haven't decided what path to take.

There is only one thing you can do. Be honest with me, tell me if I'm wrong, just let me know if there might be the smallest chance that in the end it could be me and you.

Think about it, don't rush. Why do I always have to blush?

Anyway all I can do now is wait. I will check my blog again at eight.

If you however would say no I will still be the luckiest girl in the world. Why? Because I will have the best friend (you) in the whole wide world.

Rihanna feat. Ne-yo - Hate That I Love You.

Today's song. Or I've been listening to it yesterday evening as well. I didn't like Rihanna at the beginning of her career but I must say that this new song featuring Ne-yo is really good. Listen to it if you haven't heard it/them.

Lyrics:

"And I hate how much I love you boy..
I can't stand how much I need you..
And I hate how much I love you boy..
But I just can't let you go..
And I hate that I love you so.."

I've let it all out.

Picture: Private - Me

I've let it all out. So no more tears.

Lost in Confussion.

Tears are streaming down my face. I wish I knew how to stop this beating heartache.

I just can't stand the pain. How could I be so vain?

I tried to stay strong instead I got weak like any romantic song. Why did things have to go so wrong?

I should have realized it long ago. I thought I had found the right path to go. I shouldn't have let my heart out, I should have said no.

With far too high hopes I ended up writing so many ridiculous love notes. I'm scared, I'm cold, I'm shiverring inside all the way into my bear bones.

What happens next? I don't know. All I want to do is wait for the first snow.

People say that time heal all wounds? Perhaps that is all I need to heal this wound?

All I know for certain is that my heart can't take much more. I just wish I could leave that room inside of me and close the door.

Why can't all these feelings just go away? I guess that's all I needed to say.