"Hard work work.."

Sorry for the bad updates on the blog! As you probably learnt from the title of tonight's post (which I believe I heard in some commercial on TV? Does anyone recognize it?!) I've been busy working a lot.

Besides that there are also important things that needs to be done such as being social with family and friends. Anyway my goal is to try to write something tomorrow afternoon because now it's almost 12 PM and I reeeeally need to sleep! :) Over and out.

Another ordinary melancholic evening.

Picture: Vogue

My family and friends may think I'm crazy for spending my precious time with you. A part of me tells me to listen to them still, positive as I am, I keep my hopes up for us and the time I spend with you.

You have bewitched me, body and soul. I find it hard to get out of this deep black hole.

Confused as I am, it even makes my heart frightened and uncertain for what is right and what is wrong. Troublesome thoughts keep aching inside my mind, all night long.

To be able to fall alseep in your warm and safe embrace, knowing that you would love me, protect me and do anything for me. That's what true love is all about, why can't you see?

The way I hoped to see my soul's reflection in your eyes. Forgive me but I am tired of telling myself all these ridiculous lies.

Let's be honest, there is no us, only you and me. Two individuals, two hearts, two souls and that is just the way it is supposed to be.

A person once said, "You can't lose something you never had." could this truly be true? In that case please tell me why I still find it so hard to get over you?

P.S. The beautiful picture has nothing to do with the poem since they portray two opposite messages. However I did find most of the inspiration while writing this poem by observing it and for one second it felt as if they (Carrie and "Big") have everything I don't have, perhaps one day I'll be in Carrie's shoes.. D.S.

What did I do wrong?

Now that I am feeling so strong. Yet I do not know why everything just feels so wrong.

Things did not turn out the way they were supposed to be. I simply cannot help having this special feeling deep inside as if there is something missing between you and me.

I wish I knew what is really going on. Perhaps you won?

I just cannot do this anymore. Please believe me when I say that I do not want any ridiculous war.

For you have opened up doors I didn't knew existed deep inside. Still I must admit that it's been a bit of an emotional and crazy ride.

All I want is to be honest with you. Believe me when I say that I really do care about you.

Too many important feelings have developed inside my heart. This is my way of creating an immortal art.

For emotions written down on a piece of paper will never grow old. I also use a very special ink, in the dawn the words shine like the purest gold.

What shall be my next move? Perhaps I will find my answer the next time I visit our neighbourhood's magic birch grove.

It just hurts so much inside of me. You cut me wide open and I wish there was a way to make you see. My heart is a real mess still I have been trying to show how much you truly mean to me.

Someone please tell me, what did I do wrong..?

Mariah Carey - Whenever You Call.

Tonight's most played song. A great song with beautiful lyrics.

Love wandered inside
Stronger than you
Stronger than I
And now that it has begun
We cannot turn back
We can only turn into one

Chorus

I won't ever be too, far away to feel you
And I won't hesitate at all
Whenever you call
And I'll always remember
The part of you so tender
I'll be the one to catch your fall
Whenever you call

Verse

And I'm truly inspired
Finding my soul
There in your eyes
And you
Have opened my heart
And lifted me inside
By showing me yourself
Undisguised

Chorus

I won't ever be too far away to feel you
And I won't hesitate at all
Whenever you call
And I'll always remember
The part of you so tender
I'll be the one to catch your fall
Whenever you call

Bridge

And I will breathe for you each day
Comfort you through all the pain
Gently kiss your fears away
You can turn to me and cry
Always understand that I
Give you all I have inside

Chorus

I won't ever be too far away to feel you
And I won't hesitate at all
Whenever you call

Chorus

I won't ever be too far to feel you
And I won't hesitate at all
Whenever you call
I'll always remember
That part of you so tender
And be the one to catch your fall
Whenever you call

Whenever you call..

Exhausted.

Wow, it's been such a loong day! I came home for about one hour ago and I am completely exhausted which might not be so surprising since I had to wake up 04.30 AM this morning, I can't believe I actually got up!

Anyway it's been a great day, besides the awful weather in Östersund, 4 ° C and pouring rain, it was so cold! But it turned better later during the afternoon, when I had to go home..!

Östersund is a small village but the people I met were very kind to me so over all I think it was a charming place with many beautiful and old buildings.

The interview went really well! I was very nervous though when I first sat down but after a while it got better and I felt more comfortable.

Hopefully I made a good impression on them, the two ladies that work at the "social institution" at the University.

Anyway, unfortunately I won't know anything about how it went until mid July, so all I have to do now is wait and wait.. We'll see how it goes! :)

Just to give you a picture.

Picture: Map of Sweden

I thought I should post a picture of Sweden for you dear readers, just to give you a better picture of where I am actually going tomorrow :) Oh my, I'm actually starting to get butterflies in my stomach now.. I hope they will all go away by tomorrow morning! Have a great day/evening!

Next stop: MittUniversitetet, Mid Sweden University, Östersund.

Tomorrow is a very important day for me, as you might have understood from the title of today's evening's post I'm heading up towards a smaller city called Östersund, located in the "mid" parts of Sweden (towards the northern parts).

I have applied to a programme at the Mid Sweden University to later become some kind of social worker with an International perspective added to it. So as I wrote I'm going to an interview tomorrow where I will meet two of the teachers from the institute.

Anyway cross your fingers for me tomorrow or mention me in your prayers. I'll probably write more tomorrow evening since my flight leaves Arlanda airport at 08:35 AM I have to get up really early.. Sweet dreams, wish me luck! :)

You never truly appreciate what you have until it's lost.

Picture: DeviantArt

I am standing here at the edge of time, waiting for you to come around. Close your eyes and listen to your heart, is it still playing a magical sound?

I stare at the beautiful horizon as the sun slowly rises. New thoughts fill my mind, where all I can think of is the people suffering in different parts of our world, people going through difficult crisis.

My heart is with those who have lost beloved family members. I wish there was something we could do to reduce the amount of people dying in such horrifying natural catastrophes, I wish it was a much lower number.

Thousands of children loosing both parents, can you imagine how it would be if you lost your mother or father? Or perhaps a beloved sibling, I do not know what I would do if I lost one of my brothers.

In the end it is our families that mean the most. Without them one would be hollow and pale like a sad ghost.

Never underestimate the people who love you the way you are. Take care of them, show them love and respect, for they will always have a special place for you inside their hearts.

B as in bored.

I'm sure there are readers out there who might get really bored with all this talk about fashion. Sorry for that it's just been a week with many good news on that particular perspective of my life :)

Anyway it's getting late and I better try to get some sleep. I've got some ideas for a new text that I'll probably write tomorrow morning. So until then good night dear reader!

Sleep tight. /S

Talking about a happy ending.

Picture: Private - My new jacket (similar to the ones made by Chanel) from the Kate Moss for Topshop collection

Here's another new pearl in my closet! :) A Chanel "look-a-like" jacket from Topshop. I think it almost looks like the jackets that is seen on the Gossip Girls in the American TV-show "Gossip Girl".

Anyway I found this jacket for more than 4 months ago at Topshop at a price of 1299 sek, which is a lot of money for such a "thin" jacket so I decided not to buy.

A few months later I went in again to see if they still had the jacket, this time there were many items on sale! So I found it and the new price was 400 sek which is obviously a lot cheaper!

Still, I didn't have enough money with me :( So I had to leave without being able to buy it. I was so sad because I thought I would loose it and that some other lucky girl would get it instead of me.

Now, a month later I went in to the biggest Topshop here in Stockholm at Drottningatan and I see big posters were it says "Bazaar at Topshop - only today!" so I thought that I might just see if there's anything left because it was so crowded! On my way upstairs I thought of the jacket but with no hope to find it I start digging in a huge pile of old jeans and other sweaters. Guess what I found?!

This one last jacket in my size!! This is not the only good news wait until you read how much I finally payed for it.... I payed 40 sek!!! From 1299 sek to 40 sek..! I still can't believe it.

Can you imagine how HAPPY I felt that day walking home with my beloved jacket which I found at such a low price. Well let's just say that really made my day! :) I wore it for the first time last Friday and I can't tell you how great it feels knowing that I was so lucky to get a hold of it at last.

Talking about a happy ending...!

After rain comes sunshine.

Strange, I had such a horrible nightmare last night which resulted in a bad morning.

Anyway the sun is actually shining outside and I'm hoping it's going to be a good day despite the fact that I woke up on a bad side this morning.. I'm heading towards town in a few hours so I better get in the shower.

I hope you'll all have a great day! /S

And it Hurts with every Heartbeat.

Picture: DeviantArt

My heart takes a beat as we keep walking down the street. Still, I feel cold inside as I place my hand in yours and continue despite of the pain that carries my feet.

A heavy burden upon my shoulders makes my soul tremble and my heart feel weak. Afraid of what is to come and for what might happen next week.

For all I have been left with is this lonely feeling called uncertainty. I have searched for answers but failed to find any. Someone please take me back to reality.

Giving you my body and soul was supposed to make us happy baby. Still, I wonder why I sometimes feel like nothing has changed and that I'm still that ordinary lady?

All this time I've been looking forward towards every step that we've taken. I thought we had reached the next level but I think not since I am not feeling calm but instead all shaken.

Tears fill my eyes as I continue my walk home alone along the small street. I simply cannot help it, I wish I didn't have to weep.

Still, I keep on walking and the truth is to be told, that it Hurts with every Heartbeat.

In and out.

I came home about 30 minutes ago and now I'm going out again, to take a stroll around the neighbbourhood with my dearest L.

So I'll be back in a while to show you a picture of yet another beloved new item in my closet - a jacket from Topshop! Later!

You put a smile on my face.

Picture: Private - Welcome to my closet baby!

So here she is, isn't she beautiful? My new flowery dress that I wrote about a few weeks ago. I love the fabric although - to my biig surprise - this "dress" is veeeery short! To my big dissapointment I have to wear shorts or jeans underneath because if I woudln't I'd be "showing" everything..

So, how did I get a hold of it? No I didn't get it at the store but instead a very special someone could get it for me! Thank you so much, you put a smile on my face.

Sorry but I have to go, I'll be spending this Sunday evening babysitting so have a great day/evening!

Imogen Heap - Goodnight & Go.

It's been a long day which is why I'm heading towards my bed now. This will be the last thing I do tonight, listen to this great song by Imogen Heap called "Goodnight & Go".

Sweet dreams! This is where I say Goodnight and Go...

The importance of having a safe childhood.

Picture: DeviantArt

I keep staring at these pictures that were taken for more than ten years ago. A sweet and innocent girl totally unaware of her golden halo.

I can see it in her eyes, all the hope and wishes her heart carries deep inside. This I know to be true, one day she will be a beautiful bride.

The sight of her playing in the high reed reminds me of a magic dream. Together we would have been an unbeatable team.

If you look close, you can see her soul through the delicate coat behind the windows in her bright blue eyes. Hidden memories are combined with struggling butterflies.

Dark and mysterious events which are difficult to reveal. Thoughts start spinning inside my mind like an evil spinning-wheel.

What happened to this innocent soul? Who created this black hole?

Old memories keep flashing in front of my eyes. The truth has been uncovered, finally there are no more lies.

I keep staring at these pictures that were taken only a few days ago. A young and caring woman, who's heart have been engraved with some deep and unforgettable scars, I wonder which direction in life she will go?

The hope and love to help others that are in need are still alive inside her heart. Don't stop reading for this is the very best part.

For I know that she is a survivor and she will do anything to help others. I would do the same no matter if they were family or complete strangers, I would honestly do anything to protect my beloved brothers.

Together we can make a change, let's make an effort, let's help our fellow sisters and brothers. Together we can help others!

Point by point.

• It's been 74 days today since the first time we met.
  
• My most popular video on youtube has reached a point of 4,820 views! Wow!
• I have finally decided that I must get my licence to be able to drive this summer.
• This summer I'll be working a lot because I AM going to NY next fall/winter!
• I have a BIG surprise which I'm dying to show you! And I will, soon..
• Tonight I'm planning to watch DH and get my french manicure done.
• I'm still thinking about getting a new phone.. Perhaps this summer!
• Yesterday was the big opening night for "Sex And The City" the movie in London, I can't wait until we'll have the Swedish premiere, I will definitely be there!
• Last but not least, last week I got a hold of this gorgeous little jacket from Topshop at a bargain price! (I'll show pictures of it later!)
  

I ♥ Disney.

Picture: Fahrmans mode (Fahrman's fashion)

As I was visiting one of the bigger H&M stores in town earlier today I bumped in to this one last top with the cute Disney print on the front of it. I saw it for a couple of months ago in a Swedish fashion magazine and fell in love with it! (see picture above!)

Unfortunately I couldn't find a larger size (I wanted to wear it as a "baggy-sort-of-tanktop" as seen on the picture) so I bought it in my regular size instead.

I have always loved Disney and all the magnificent movies that they have done over the years. I can promise you this, I will definitely be wearing this top a lot this summer!

It's adorable and still I find it to be soo me :) Have a great day!

I can't wait for the weekend to begin.

Haha it feels a bit strange to say that I actually long for next weekend when we just ended one! But I am so happy that I'm facing yet another great weekend which I will spend together with people that I really care about.

I'm even looking forward to work on Saturday, don't ask me why.. Anyway back to work! I'll write more later! Ciao!

Who's that Girl?

Picture: Private - Me (edited in photoshop)

"... when she walks, she walks with passion, when she talks, she talks like she can handle it ..." - Nelly Furtado "Maneater"

Oh, Happy Day!

As you can read from today's post it's certainly been a great Sunday where my family, relatives and I have celebrated my two younger brothers as one of them turned 18 today (! Happy Birthday bro!!) and the other one had his confirmation ceremony at church earlier today.

As always my mom made delicious food including wonderful desserts (I might show you some pictures of them later!) as if that wouldn't bee enough we had the most fantastic day with sunshine the entire day!

It certainly feels as if I have been able to charge my batteries because tomorrow is another big day when I will go out and search for the "LFD" (Little Flowery Dress) which I've written about before.

We'll see how it goes since I don't know which day it will be out in the stores, all I know is that it would come out this week. If I'm lucky I might be one of the first lucky ladies who will get a hold of one of them!

Cross your fingers for me, wish me luck! :) Have a great Sunday!

Senses.

Picture: DeviantArt

Close your eyes and feel how the evening sky and its diamond stars are broken down into pieces, slowly they keep falling. A silent golden dust appears on my skin, my heart takes a beat, could this be your soul calling?

Sparkling eyes in weightless gravity. Could this be reality?

Listen to the bright full moon as it keeps whispering mysterious riddles on this lonely Saturday night. It reminds me of the last time I let my eyes rest on your smiling eyes, truly, it was a breathtaking sight.

Open your eyes and see how my emotions and its clear prisms are broken down into magnificent sunbeams. The stream of light flees towards every direction inside my body, nothing appears to be the way it seems.

Smell the fresh morning dew as it appears at dawn. Together, we walk hand in hand, on the velvet lawn.

Taste the attraction between two delicious lips. It is for you, and only you, I would like to show my magic moves and shake my hips.

I close my eyes and wish that I wasn't here but instead was there, next to your side. For if I could share all my senses with someone I would choose you. Whenever I am with you I always feel safe and I know deep inside that I will never have to fear anything, no I will never have to hide.

Kent - Utan Dina Andetag.

Jag vet att du sover
känner värmen från din hud
bara lukten gör mig svag
men jag vågar inte väcka dig nu.

Jag skulle ge dig
allting du pekar på
men bara när du inte hör
vågar jag säga så.

Jag kan inte ens gå
utan din luft i mina lungor
Jag kan inte ens stå
när du inte ser på
och genomskinlig grå
blir jag utan dina andetag.

Min klocka har stannat
under dina ögonlock
fladdrar drömmarna förbi
inuti är du fjäderlätt och vit

Och utan ett ljud
mitt hjärta i din hand
har jag tappat bort mitt språk
det fastnar i ditt hår.

Jag kan inte ens gå
utan din luft i mina lungor
Jag kan inte ens stå
när du inte ser på.
Och färglös som en tår
blir jag
utan dina andetag.

Jag kan inte ens gå
utan din luft i mina lungor
Jag kan inte ens stå
när du inte ser på.
Och genomskinlig grå
blir jag utan dina andetag.

Vad vore jag utan dina andetag..

This is one of my personal favourite songs. I can't help it but I cry every time I hear it. Click here to listen to this beautiful song. Sorry I realized that it's in Swedish but I hope that you can enjoy it anyway!

Let's take it piano.

Picture: DeviantArt

Sorry for the bad update! It's just been a busy week with many important things on my schedule.

Anyway I just figured to write a short post before I go to bed, so here it goes :)

I have probably used the picture (as seen above) in previous posts but I think that there is nothing wrong with that. I mean, I really do love this picture very much. The colours, the contrasts and since I'm such a big fan when it comes to music I can tell you one of my deepest secrets ;)

I have a l w a y s wanted a piano! Unfortunately we never had the possibility to buy one when I was younger, there is simply no space for it here at home. So no piano :(

But one day I hope I will be able to buy a similar to the one above! For what would a home with a songbird like me be without a piano? ;)

Anyway, it's bedtime! Good night, don't let the bedbugs bite!

Thoughts from a walk on a rainy Friday night.

All this time I've been thinking that you would protect me. This is something I simply cannot understand why did I give my heart yet another heavy fee?

For I promised myself that things would be different this time. In my eyes falling in love was to be seen as an unforgettable crime.

Still, something happened the very first time with you. I opened up myself to you because I believed this was to be true.

Yet here I am once again lost in a deep confusion. Congratulations I believe you made me fall for this amazing illusion.

Hidden feelings are seen in distant shadows as I walk along the worn pavement. Where will this road take me? My guess is not that far since I'm standing here without a single cent.

The cool evening breeze sweeps through my light summerjacket and in to my bare bones. It makes me shiver and suddenly I see a young couple talking in their cellphones.

They seem busy and so I wonder where is their love? There is no sign of it still, I hope it is something that they can solve.

For I am so tired of people that just keep on pretending. Those who have no real feelings, no real love and yet their world keep on turning.

I just wish that you could give me a sign or give me a clue. All I need to know is what I mean to you.

No more fooling around, avoiding the important question. For this is my heart's deepest confession.

Suddenly a crystal drop of water strikes my nose. My cheeks look pale and snow-white like an English rose.

The pavement shines like brightest silver. All the lights are misty in the street's purling river.

All this time I have known that you will protect me. Am I right? Please let me know because it is important to me, can't you see?

These were just some thoughts I had from my walk this rainy Friday night. Sleep tight.

Looking back.

Picture: Me after the graduation ceremony, I was so happy when I came outside to see so many beloved faces of family members and friends gather around me.

I honestly can't believe it! It's almost been a year (on the 31/5) since I graduated from high school. It is a big and special event for thousands of students who graduate in May every year.

As you can see on the picture I was wearing my white hat which we call "studentmössa" in other words "student-hat" if you translate it to English :) It is also one of our old traditions, to get these white hats with the name of our programme which we have studied during high school.

On my hat it says "International Baccalaureate" since I went through that literally "living hell" for three years (!) still I have to say even if it was hard I learnt a lot. It was probably one of the best things that have ever happened to be, honestly. The teachers were great and the way we learnt new knowledge is very similar to the ways they teach at University, so I guess we are all well prepared for it ;)

Anyway I was reading a few old e-mails and found this picture in one of them and it made me think of that very special day which was probably one of the best days of my life. Luckily I have many friends who graduate this year so I will join them in their celebration and remember how special my day was and make sure that they will also feel the same!

For those of you who still have one or perhaps two years left, don't worry! Time flies as you probably know ;) You have a spectacular day to look forward to and believe me, it's worth it!